#fitnesschallenge2014

I am 110 percent out of shape.

I am not just saying that because my self-esteem is low or I would like a compliment.  Nope.  Self-esteem is great.  I like how I look, I love the foods I eat, and I love love love Netflix.

However, none of that matters because my office is doing a fitness challenge.  While *optional,* it seems as though everyone is doing it so it becomes more of an obligation than an option.  Here's the perk: I get $100 for showing an effort, $250 for third place, $500 for second and if I win, I get ONE-THOUSAND DOLLARS.  I figure it is worth a shot.  Especially since the trainer who came in to measure our body fat percentages told me I have "room for improvement." *sigh* Thanks, CJ.

It actually works out though because it's like this whole new year, new you sort of thing.  Generally, I'm not one for resolutions.  Two years ago I resolved to eat a peach for the first time.  SPOILER ALERT: I did it.  Last year I resolved to learnt he lyrics of "Bennie and the Jets."  I am still working on that one.  Electric boobs?  Mole hair jude?  Whaaaat?

ANYWAY!  This year, though I made ZERO resolutions, I appear to be tackling some pretty popular resolutions among the masses without even setting out to do so.  Go me!  Let's take a look, shall we?

1. Fitness challenge! I am now eating better and exercising.  Yesterday, I did 70 squats and today I started T25.  I have lost two pounds in one week.  This one encompasses a lot since I'm watching calories, not having soda, cutting back on sweets and actually moving my ass (which hurts, by the way).  Sweating.  So much sweating.

2. Debt reduction/budgeting I have started Dave Ramsey's snowball debt program and kind of started to use the envelope method for paying for things.  Budget to the max!

3. Plan for retirement I am going to be 28 in one month and I have absolutely nothing saved for retirement.  UNTIL NOW.  I started a 401K this year.  How grown up of me! Though I still call it a Four-oh-wunk thanks to Phoebe on "Friends"

I actually I have one more in the works but I'm waiting to see how things pan out.  If it works out, I am going to be one busy, busy lady for the next 12 to 24 months.  EEK!

For, now I will continue eating my grapes for dessert and treating myself to some Downton Abbey after sweating a bunch earlier.

We hate planks! And pushups! And crunches!

So now, I officially live above a weirdo that looks like a police sketch.

I semi-recently moved out on my own without any roommates.  I haven't lived at my parents house since high school (a couple summers and a few months stint after college notwithstanding), but I have never lived completely alone.  Overall, I love it.  Everything is mine.  I can walk around with no pants on, leave it a mess, and not worry about bothering anyone else.

Sort of.

When I moved in, there was no one living below me.  Within the month, someone moved in and a week or so later there was this note on my door.

I didn't think it was creepy at first.  I thought he was being considerate about making noise (that I didn't even hear) but then came the watermelon.

He left watermelon.  On my door step.  At 10 p.m.  Without knocking.  Days after noting a problem with cockroaches.  GREAT.  There was a note with that one too but I don't really remember what it said.  I'm pretty sure it mentioned being creepy.  Not a good start.

I began to think this was getting weird.  I mean, who leaves food on a doorstep without knocking and without ever talking to the person?

Another day, he opened my mail and then taped it to my door.  

He decorated for Halloween on September first by taping plastic bugs all over the place but then un-decorated on October 25th.  I guess he couldn't handle that extra week of decor.

BUT!  It gets better.  Worse?  I don't know.  I had my first interactions with "Roman #5" last Friday.  He ran out of his apartment to ask me if I was okay while I was carrying my laundry at 8:30 p.m.  [side note: I told you I always clean on Fridays]  Then, at 10:15 p.m. I hear a knock on the door.  

It's Roman.  He is going to CVS and wanted to know if I wanted anything.  Nope.  Nope.com.  I was thoroughly weirded out but then I realized he probably heard me coughing (I have been sick) and figured he could get me something?  I don't know.  Either way, it wasn't happening.  I was super creeped out.

The next morning I got up early to pick up Nancy from the airport (Yay for surprising people!) and I saw a Target bag by my driver's door.  Roman parks on the passenger side so I assumed the bag must have been accidentally dropped by my other neighbor.

Nope.

Inside was a note that said "Please Except." and had a casserole dish with bread and soup.  It was ice cold.  He had left me soup sometime in the middle of the night and now it was nearly frozen.  I quickly looked to see if he was watching me and then put it back and left.  I was not going to "except" this murder-soup.  It was gone from the parking lot by the time I got back.

Now I feel like I'm biding my time and just waiting my next creepy interaction.  I can't decide if he is just nice but lacks social skills or if I should invest in pepper spray and teach my cat karate.

Thoughts?

On cookies and long term relationships...

It is a great thing I have the world's okayest metabolism because my longest relationship has been with cookies.  [Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Walnut, anyone?]  It is often an unhealthy one -- and not just because of the butter and sugar.  Cookies for breakfast; cookies for lunch.  As long as you have a glass of milk it is a well-balanced meal.  Right?  Right.

After graduating college, I backpacked through Europe.  I had grand ideas of how I would come back so fit!  After all, I was going to be eating light and exercising often.  I saw no way that carrying 50lbs on my back and walking everywhere would allow me to gain anything but muscle and worldly experiences.  But then, I discovered Maryland cookies.  They are basically Chips Ahoy!... but not.  There is nothing special about them.  They are normal chocolate chip cookies.  What IS special is that I ate one sleeve per day [Plus beer.  Lots and lots of beer].  Every day.  For ten weeks.  Let's just say I gained the 'weight' of my worldly experiences.

I have a problem.

This weekend I was at Disneyland and I was too full from my two dinners and bucket-o-caramel corn to get my customary Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie** for breakfast the following morning.  I thought I would be okay.  I had plenty of sugar and couldn't fathom buying more.  I thought caramel corn would be enough.  It was not.  MISTAKES WERE MADE.

candy palace -- you saucy minx.

Sunday morning I got up, ate leftover popcorn in bed (don't ever doubt for one second that I'm not classy), took a nap and ran errands.  Then, it hit me.  I had to have a cookie.  I thought I could stop and just get one at Marcelline's in Downtown Disney.  That would be quicker than going in the park.  No tram!  No bag check!  In and out.  It would be so fast!  ....but they were out.  I had a decision to make.  Do I go into Disneyland?  Brave Main Street?  Enter the evil temptress that is the Candy Palace?  You bet.  I was committed.  I wasn't leaving Happiest Place on Earth until I was happy.  I power-walked through the crowd and bought my *two* cookies.  My craving turned into an hour excursion and a two and half mile walk.

Am I ashamed?  Nope.

Were my cookies delicious?  YEP.

I don't really see any reason why would ever break up with cookies.  Why would I?  Well, maybe diabetes.  Maybe.  Anyway, I'm off to nurture my beautiful life-long relationship.  Cookies, I love you.

**Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies are the best cookies in the park.  None of the workers know they exist.  They can never find them in the case or the binder to ring them up.  Get one [or two].  They're delicious.

I just interrupted my own neurotic vacuuming session to start a blog.

My mother (and her friends) have been begging me to blog again since their travel daydreams during my watered down posts about backpacking five years ago.  The problem with blogging is that I generally complain about everyone and everything around me.  Though this makes for interesting banter and often annoys my closest friends, it's not particularly something you want to blog about (read: I am complaining about people who could potentially read this).

Enter this thought: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BLOG ALL THE COMPLAINING.

Wait. What?

Okay, so that means, I can write about interesting things, boring things, and things that don't directly detail my anger with the world and the people and things in it.  I'm talking about you -- cat that is covering my freshly vacuumed sofa with hair.  (Just kidding.  She can't read.  She's a cat!  I'm not crazy.)  That being said...

Welcome to the world of Mallory.

I am 27 (and a half!), employed full-time, living alone (with my cat) in a studio apartment.  I spend my Friday nights cleaning, my Sundays at Disneyland and my weekdays watching Netflix.  I am a part-time baker, a full-time shopping addict and most of all:

I want someone to make me a housewife.

And thus, a blog is born.  This is my journey to becoming a housewife.