Monday, October 14, 2013

On cookies and long term relationships...

It is a great thing I have the world's okayest metabolism because my longest relationship has been with cookies.  [Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Walnut, anyone?]  It is often an unhealthy one -- and not just because of the butter and sugar.  Cookies for breakfast; cookies for lunch.  As long as you have a glass of milk it is a well-balanced meal.  Right?  Right.

After graduating college, I backpacked through Europe.  I had grand ideas of how I would come back so fit!  After all, I was going to be eating light and exercising often.  I saw no way that carrying 50lbs on my back and walking everywhere would allow me to gain anything but muscle and worldly experiences.  But then, I discovered Maryland cookies.  They are basically Chips Ahoy!... but not.  There is nothing special about them.  They are normal chocolate chip cookies.  What IS special is that I ate one sleeve per day [Plus beer.  Lots and lots of beer].  Every day.  For ten weeks.  Let's just say I gained the 'weight' of my worldly experiences.

I have a problem.

This weekend I was at Disneyland and I was too full from my two dinners and bucket-o-caramel corn to get my customary Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie** for breakfast the following morning.  I thought I would be okay.  I had plenty of sugar and couldn't fathom buying more.  I thought caramel corn would be enough.  It was not.  MISTAKES WERE MADE.

candy palace -- you saucy minx.

Sunday morning I got up, ate leftover popcorn in bed (don't ever doubt for one second that I'm not classy), took a nap and ran errands.  Then, it hit me.  I had to have a cookie.  I thought I could stop and just get one at Marcelline's in Downtown Disney.  That would be quicker than going in the park.  No tram!  No bag check!  In and out.  It would be so fast!  ....but they were out.  I had a decision to make.  Do I go into Disneyland?  Brave Main Street?  Enter the evil temptress that is the Candy Palace?  You bet.  I was committed.  I wasn't leaving Happiest Place on Earth until I was happy.  I power-walked through the crowd and bought my *two* cookies.  My craving turned into an hour excursion and a two and half mile walk.

Am I ashamed?  Nope.

Were my cookies delicious?  YEP.

I don't really see any reason why would ever break up with cookies.  Why would I?  Well, maybe diabetes.  Maybe.  Anyway, I'm off to nurture my beautiful life-long relationship.  Cookies, I love you.


**Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies are the best cookies in the park.  None of the workers know they exist.  They can never find them in the case or the binder to ring them up.  Get one [or two].  They're delicious.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

I just interrupted my own neurotic vacuuming session to start a blog.

My mother (and her friends) have been begging me to blog again since their travel daydreams during my watered down posts about backpacking five years ago.  The problem with blogging is that I generally complain about everyone and everything around me.  Though this makes for interesting banter and often annoys my closest friends, it's not particularly something you want to blog about (read: I am complaining about people who could potentially read this).

Enter this thought: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BLOG ALL THE COMPLAINING.

Wait. What?

Okay, so that means, I can write about interesting things, boring things, and things that don't directly detail my anger with the world and the people and things in it.  I'm talking about you -- cat that is covering my freshly vacuumed sofa with hair.  (Just kidding.  She can't read.  She's a cat!  I'm not crazy.)  That being said...

Welcome to the world of Mallory.

I am 27 (and a half!), employed full-time, living alone (with my cat) in a studio apartment.  I spend my Friday nights cleaning, my Sundays at Disneyland and my weekdays watching Netflix.  I am a part-time baker, a full-time shopping addict and most of all:

I want someone to make me a housewife.

And thus, a blog is born.  This is my journey to becoming a housewife.